“Yoga is the journey of the self, through the self, to the self.”
The Bhagavad Gita
Can you ever go back home? Where’s home? How do you define “home”?
In July I took a quick trip to Regina, Saskatchewan to visit the town my Dad was born in, Claybank. Claybank is a tiny hamlet in the southern part of the province and, as of 2021, boasts a population of 15 residents!
Known for its brick plant that closed in 1989, Claybank is considered one of the finest examples of 20th century industry. The brick plant remains. Almost frozen in time. In fact, the whole place, which, believe me, is very small, looks as though it was frozen in time. To be quite honest, when I arrived there I was quite shocked. I stated, “my Dad was literally born in the middle of nowhere”! And the place remains so today.
Mostly, I was shocked because I was trying to recall how it would have been for my grandparents to arrive from Romania and end up stepping off the train in Claybank. It seems surreal to me. My grandparents left Romania because of the war and socialism and because they were poor and looking for a better life – like so many people before and after them.
They left Romania with their two eldest children, a son and daughter who were twins, leaving two others behind that passed because they contracted Scarlet Fever. The year was 1929, basically the start of the great depression! I cannot imagine the hardship of moving away from home, not speaking the language and trying to settle into a place like that during that time (or now even). They didn’t choose Claybank, they were simply told that was the end of their journey. Once they arrived in Claybank they had reached their allowed destination.
It was so remote and so foreign compared to the country they left behind. But, even given all of this, when you really think about it, their home remained intact because home, after all, resides inside of us. It is always with you. You are always at home; you just might not be aware that you are!
Home can be a haven and it can also be a devastating place to reside. Regardless of the physical surroundings we find ourselves in, our minds actually construct the homes we reside in. We know that it’s possible to not feel at home with ourselves, even when we seemingly have it all in terms of material possessions.
While my life experiences are completely different to those of my grandparents, when I reflect back upon my life “before yoga”, I know that I did not feel at home. No matter what my physical location was, I was always restless, dissatisfied, always looking toward the future or clinging onto some notion of the past. I seemed to never be settled in the here and now; the present moment. Interestingly enough during my first yoga class, as foreign as it felt to me, it gave me a strong sense of coming home.
Over the years, through practice, self-study, and strong efforts and desires to incorporate yoga into my life, I have come to know what it feels like to be home. Essentially, the feeling of being at home with my own self, my true self. The one that has started to become clearer through the pursuit of practice. Even as I have moved my physical home from place to place on several occasions and have experienced major changes in my life, I now have a strong sense of what it means to be home. Yoga has been the polestar that guided me to my home.
I remember thinking, very early on when I started practicing, that even if I was lost, stranded somewhere or in a place where my freedom was restricted, I would have yoga – that once I found yoga, it could not be taken away from me. That sensation is just like the sensation of being at home with yourself. You are always home, that cannot be taken away from you.
Oh, and another thing, you can’t ever run away from home, try as you might. When I was little, I attempted to do this on several occasions. I just wanted to leave home and not be burdened with all the things that annoyed me. As adults, we realize that we can never run away from home because everytime we turn to look over our shoulder, we’re still there!
I love this quote by BKS Iyengar, “You do not need to seek freedom in some distant land, for everything already exists within your own body, heart, mind and soul.” Although my grandparents decided to leave the home they knew, the home that was familiar to them; they never actually left home because it existed inside of them and it went wherever they did.
“Every day is a journey, and the journey itself is home.”
Matsuo Bashō
